Mike’s Midterm Tsunami Truth #18
The Good Queen vs. The Mad King
After watching Episode 9 of 2022’s best TV series, “A Song of Treason and Trump”, the House committee investigating the Jan. 6, 2021, attack on the U.S. Capitol held its last hearing yesterday — and the series finale did not disappoint.
First off let me say this: If I am ever trapped behind enemy lines or wander accidentally back into Gilead, there is only one person I want with me to fight off the hordes of evildoers, just one soldier in the foxhole who has my back and if necessary will throw themself on the hand grenade so that I may live — and that person is Nancy ”Thor” Pelosi! I’m talking about the 82-year-old “Don’t-Fuck-with-Biden?-NO-DON’T-FUCK-WITH-ME” Nancy Pelosi!!
That newly released raw footage from January 6th we saw yesterday — shot by the brilliant documentary filmmaker, the Kathryn Bigelow of nonfiction action films, Alexandra Pelosi — showed us the first ever female Speaker/Slayer in full superhero mode. When she hears Trump on TV order the mob to raid the Capitol Building, Pelosi exclaims, “I hope he comes — I’m gonna punch him out! This is my moment. I’ve been waiting for this — for trespassing on the Capitol grounds…” (and then she launches into a very detailed description of what she’s going to do to Trump as if she HAS INDEED thought about this moment for a long time). “I’m gonna punch him out and I’m gonna go to jail and I’m gonna be HAPPY!”
I got so excited I thought someone offstage was going to toss her a bazooka and a red beret and she was going to break out in song!
But then, as if straight from a scene from “A Very Pelosi Family Thanksgiving Special”, grandson Paul Pelosi is looking out grandma’s window over our Nation’s Capitol and shouts, “Grandma! Grandma! The fascist mob is coming up the Mall!”
And sure enough, it was.
Grandma Nancy had invited her whole family to come to the Capitol that day to witness history. Not hang Mike Pence.
So she leapt into action.
First, she got the family and staff to a safe place. Next, she loaded a fresh clip into the Glock she keeps strapped to her ankle. Then, to confuse the idiots who would soon ransack her office, she placed a few nice things out on her desk for them to see: A copy of Betty Freidan’s “The Feminine Mystique”. An open laptop with the “Critical Race Theory” website left up on the screen. A half-written love note to Angela Davis. And Her personal “To-Do List:”
1. Take away everyone’s guns.
2. Burn all Confederate flags.
3. Ban the NFL.
4. Appoint only ppl under 30 to Cabinet.
5. Remove testicles (on a need-to-know basis).
Her staff tried to whisk her away. She asked them, “Have you called the National Guard?!”
“Yes!”, an aide replied. The “yes” did not sound believable, so she would ask this question three more times.
For the next 11 minutes, while walking to wherever they were taking her, she showed no fear. She just kept working the phones. She called the Acting Secretary of Defense to tell him to send in the troops. She called the Acting Secretary of the Army to send in other troops. She called the governors of Virginia and Maryland to send in their National Guard. Then she thought for a moment and said “Let’s call the head of Prince George’s County!”, thinking they may have some extra troops, too. Next, from her secure location, we see her and Chuck Schumer badgering the Attorney General (Acting) to tell him to call Trump. Eventually they were calling every (acting) Trump appointee and tearing them each a new hole. It was like a symphony they were conducting, albeit one for the devil. It was a wonder to watch.
And through it all, Pelosi kept repeating her mantra: “If we cannot get back in there tonight and finish our business, then they’ve won.”
“They can’t win!!”
And they didn’t. Pence called her. He had never left the Capitol grounds. He was told to get in the SUV Trump had sent for him in the dark and scary underground garage. Pence, being wise to Trump and remembering the Jimmy Hoffa Rule — “Never Get in That Car!” — just said, “no thank you, I think I’ll just wait here in the parking garage until my Uber arrives.”
Pence, speaking in a voice that contained a spine, told Pelosi that he too believed they must certify Biden as president — in the Joint Session, in the House Chamber — “TONIGHT!”
“We start in an hour,” he said in his assassin’s voice. Pelosi was relieved. Schumer had just said it “would take days to clean up the mess before we can go back in there.” Some of the protesters had taken a dump on the House floor. Pelosi told Schumer we’re going in anyway.
After all, the real defecation had yet to happen that day. When they called the Session back to order two hours later in the House Chamber, 147 Republican Senators and Members of Congress voted to finish the coup and voted to overturn the election. But they failed. TWICE.
First they cut off the legs of the Arizona objectors by a vote of 93 to 6 in the Senate, and 303 to 121 in the House.
Then, with a 92 to 7 vote in the Senate, and a 282 to 138 vote in the House they delivered the death blow to the objectors from Pennsylvania.
And with that, Pence banged the gavel, Pelosi gathered the grandkids, and Schumer was seen later with a New York City pooper-scooper.
All that was left for the rest of us to do was to finish the clean up in Roevember. Which is exactly what we are doing.
Yes, thanks to this attempted coup, the majority of Americans saw the Republicans for who they really are — and that shock to the American body politic is the very thing that is going to lead to their deserved demise in just 25 days.
Vote early. Vote now. And walk like a Pelosi.
Watch the CNN/HBO exclusive raw footage:
Ninth Hearing of the January 6th Committee
Full Hearing: C-Span link
Clip (video evidence): Jan 6 Congressional leaders behind the scenes
ICYMI:
Mike’s Midterm Tsunami of Truths:
Truth #1: The Campaign
Truth #2: Even a kid from 4th hour Trig class can beat this crowd
Truth #3: The Haters, the Bigots and the Supremacists Always Lose in the End
Truth #4: Introducing The Whackadoodle 10
Truth #5: Trump is not the Big Bad Wolf. But he is very afraid of You.
Truth #6: The Easy-to-Digest Republican Party Platform
Truth #7: Biden, Don’t F**k with Me
Truth #8: If you’re not registered, you can’t Roe, Roe, Roe the Vote!
Truth #9: Why will we win? Because the American people hate fascism.
Truth #10: Meet Blake Masters, Whackadoodle No. 9
Truth #11: 147 Reasons We Will Win on November 8th
Truth #12: Biden just gave us a boost and a toke.
Truth #13: Women. That’s it.
Truth #14: If the Mainstream Media Thinks There’s a Chance We May Be Right about Roevember, Watch Out.
Truth #15: Republican candidate for Governor of Pennsylvania, Whackadoodle No. 8
Truth #16: Alex Jones has now been fined a billion dollars for his lies, but that is nothing compared to the punishment other Republicans will get on November 8th.
Truth #17: Early Voting, Mail-in Voting, Dropbox Voting — These Were Made for Libs, Hard Workers, Book Readers, Artists, Busy Parents, Slackers, and Progressives like us! In other words, The Majority!
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This was one of the best things I've read - and it also made me remember to update my payment details for my subscription - well worth it. Thank you for bringing a smile to my face during these incredibly stressful times with your vivid description of Nancy Pelosi's amazing strength and grace. I believe there are more of us than there are of them and from NJ I am working to help other states turn blue.
Nancy is one in a million, there’s no question about that. But, are you telling me that we really can’t find a woman along her lines who can be put up? Are you telling me that we have to settle for “good enough” forever? Will we die without ever getting the opportunity to witness a female president? Time to rise up sisters, it’s now or never.