May 12th, 2006 12:00 PM
onlyvolunteers.blogspot.com
From: mathew.scarano@us.army.mil Mailed-By: us.army.mil
To: ptrosss@gmail.com
Date: Mar 7, 2006 3:01 PM
Subject: Casualties of a broken system
First off, I want to thank you for becoming our champion when no one else would. Thanks almost exclusively to you blowing the whistle when it came to the status quo in PTRP [Physical Training and Rehabilitation Program], things may indeed be changing for the better, some permanent institutional practices regarding PTRP are starting to take form. I was one of two individuals who spoke privately with the Investigator-General.
My name is Mathew Scarano, PFC. I turned 21 last month. One of your first articles about PTRP mentioned me briefly when it came to very heavily medicated individuals being sometimes unable to make it to final formation. (I still try.)
I'm also the longest-serving member of PTRP, by a margin of nearly a month. Some of the seniors among us jokingly refer to each other by our rank in terms of seniority. (3 being third-longest, 2 second-longest), etc. I am number one. As of 1 MAR I have been in PTRP for exactly one year, and Fort Sill even longer. Mind you that I mean consecutively - no leave whatsoever outside of the two-week "Christmas exodus". Perhaps that is my fault; I should have been more vocal about that. It just seems that there is rarely an opportune time, considering that sometimes the few who went on leave, either convalescent or personal leave, often either didn't come back within the period of time they were allowed or didn't come back at all and that I would be perceived as being a flight risk.
Needless to say, it has been extremely emotionally and physically taxing on me. I liken being here to being incarcerated, and it often helped during the bleaker points in PTRP history to think of it as such: I'm far from being any kind of expert on the subject, but perhaps it was a psychological self-defense mechanism to try to perceive what was going on as being punitive in nature.
When I first entered PTRP on 1 MAR 2005, there was no FTU or PCU; the Bravo Battery building was dedicated entirely to PTRP. The only other individual in PTRP who came in the following month agrees that conditions then were more tolerable for various reasons, but mainly I believe it is largely because we could at least tolerate one another. The nature of the people made it more interesting and the bold but often reckless escapades of some of the MEB-bound soldiers (housed in PTRP at that time) kept us on our toes. We had priority in the mess hall over Alpha Battery, which consists of newly-arrived in-processing soldiers, and therefore didn't have to wait in line behind hundreds of people. (I am unsure why this changed.)
I could go on about the differences between the past and present but I digress.
My injury is degenerative and getting worse.
I was lied to about surgery, as were many others, and it was brought to the attention of the Investigator-General that the medical community had been telling us that we face courts-martial or severe forms of non-judicial punishment if we declined the surgery suggested to us by the doctors here at Fort Sill. This has since been demonstrated to be a bald-faced lie.
I was told that I'd receive arthroscopic shoulder surgery initially, which had little chance of success, and when that failed I would receive a full shoulder replacement, after which my left shoulder would be essentially disabled for the rest of my life.
Just a little rudimentary research into the subject revealed that there are countless other, infinitely more promising options available to me in the civilian world, which I choose to explore, instead of being a guinea pig to a medical system I have no faith in, whatsoever. This is the same medical system which has botched surgeries and performed procedures without the patient's knowledge. I guess their rationale is that up until recently, the patients, in our case, were under the impression that we had virtually no input in the matter, anyway.
I've recently been told, by our case worker, that I'm getting an MEB but as of now my consultation is pending, I've heard no further word yet but am hopeful that as a result of the controversy caused by the attention garnered by your blog, I'll be out of here soon. I am a casualty of a broken system; I fell through the cracks of the bureaucracy that is the system which all of us must go through, as is every other one of us who have been here.
I am a living symbol of the failure of the system and after having been ignored for so long, despite trying to raise as much attention as I could, I might finally be able to get on with my adult life after spending over a third of it in PTRP, deprived of everything from being able to be with my family, to fundamental physical needs such as sleep and recuperation from my injury, to the basic human freedoms and creature comforts which I will never again take for granted.
As deep as my hatred is for the institution that is PTRP, I have learned a lot about both myself and human nature during my tenure here. It has given me time to study certain subjects, time which I lacked on the outside, and get around to literature that I'd always wanted to read. Such pursuits are my only real escape from my dismal little reality, other than my medication. (I realize how the latter sounds but sadly it is true. It is my only real deliverance from the chronic, piercing and sometimes debilitating pain in my shoulder.)
At any rate, I felt compelled to write to you because of what you have done for me, and more specifically, all of us. You managed to shock the system out of its complacency, at least to the extent where hopefully in the future conditions improve and individuals are not retained in PTRP over six months.
So, on behalf of a very grateful PTRP, thank you, very much.
P.S: I have no problem if you want to print this in your blog, nor do I care if it's done anonymously or not, especially since it wouldn't be very hard to deduce who I am.
From: mathew.scarano@us.army.mil Mailed-By: us.army.mil
To: ptrosss@gmail.com
Date: Mar 14, 2006 3:13 PM
Subject: Something you may be interested in:
I've been studying psychology on my own, and I'm trying to apply it to the underlying problems of PTRP. It isn't finished yet, as I am still unsatisfied with it, but I intend to show it to our commander when I am finished. I hope it is at least, in some small, minor way, a bit insightful. I've wanted to do this for a long time, and finally the time is right - also, at least when I get out of here one day, I can say that when asked what should happen to address the problems of the PTRP, I actually said something instead of being characteristically indifferent or cynical.
(incomplete)
As of 15 MAR 05, I have been in PTRP continuously for over one year, through the equivalent of several generations of PTRP. I believe this gives me a unique position from which to examine the underlying, root problems afflicting us all, since no one else, save the couple others who have been in PTRP nearly (within a month) as long as I have, have objectively seen the evolution of PTRP and witnessed how it affects different people, and from that, the true nature of PTRP.
Being in PTRP puts one in a state of perpetual cognitive dissonance, most particularly in those who have needlessly been here for an unreasonably long amount of time, more specifically those who have been in PTRP longer than six months in contrast to the official TRADOC position (AR 350-6, section 4-4).
Cognitive dissonance is the perception of incompatibility between two cognitions, which for the purpose of cognitive dissonance theory can be defined as any element of knowledge, attitude, emotion, belief or value, as well as a goal, plan, or an interest. In brief, the theory of cognitive dissonance holds that contradicting cognitions serve as a driving force that compels the mind to acquire or invent new thoughts or beliefs, or to modify existing beliefs, so as to minimize the amount of dissonance (conflict) between cognitions. Experiments have attempted to quantify this hypothetical drive. (Leon Festinger, A Theory of Cognitive Dissonance, 1957).
This is simply because of the arising of conflicting cognitions: the underlying, fundamental need for a sense of purpose and meaning, conflicting with the conscious realization of the monotony and mundane, typically pointless nature of our daily life, the utter lack of self-determination and control of one's own fate and decisions, as well as the needlessness of the extremely long durations of the stay of a few members of PTRP, and the manner in which we are frequently treated (usually by individuals outside of our battery who typically have no valid understanding of our situation) – such as being lied to about potentially life-altering medical procedures in a patronizing and passive-aggressively demeaning manner, or being treated in a belittling manner by some of the TMC staff, for a couple examples – creates a psychological condition which fosters disassociation from reality, often profound periods of depression, escapism and self-destructive behavior, and an indifference towards authority at all levels from once motivated and disciplined individuals, all of which I have personally experienced and witnessed over the past year in PTRP without any serious reprieve.
Not to mention the element of the physical pain most of us experience. Though I have no references to substantiate this, I believe that the tremendous psychological pressures we undergo weakens our means of rationalizing our pain, which contributes to the dehumanizing experience. It is my firm belief that this could lead to long-term drug dependency when there is no other means of dealing with pain if one is not cautious.
This is all undoubtedly part of the elaborate self-defense mechanism on the part of the psyche to correct this conflict, and the nature of the adverse reactions to PTRP, ranging from the extreme and destructive to more subtle, such as social withdrawal and introversion, depend largely on the conditions present at the time (the conditions in PTRP are always changing – one could even call them cyclical), the disposition of the individual detained in PTRP, social and environmental factors, and that individual’s experiences in life thus far.
The disparity between members of PTRP is also a huge factor, and in my opinion and experience, one of the most significant. The nature of the micro-society within PTRP changes with the departure of some somewhat "senior" members, and the arrival of new ones. These individuals have ranged in age from 17 to 39 and thus their maturity level and means of dealing with the stressors and aforementioned inner conflicts associated with being in PTRP, especially for an extremely long period of time , vary as much as the individuals, leading in some cases to inevitable personality conflicts and irreconcilable differences which can only be solved by keeping the conflicting individuals separated as much as possible, and interaction on a professional level limited only to what is absolutely necessary.
Attempts to remedy these conditions from training cadre have been either successful or counter-productive depending on the circumstances and the nature of the changes, either rewarding or punitive. However, in the long run these remedies - such as increased privileges including use of electronics and limited personal time - though often successful and beneficial in the short term, and undoubtedly well-intended, are ultimately only superficial “stop-gap” measures which do not address the underlying long-term conditions creating the problems currently facing PTRP, due to the “cyclical” nature of the actual PTRP platoon, and the (until recently) unchanging nature of the ineffective, overly bureaucratic medical system, in respects to PTRP. The only long-term solution for PTRP would be an expedient passage through, and out-processing from PTRP, and a far more strict adherence to the Army regulations regulating PTRP, instead of using the “six month” regulation (AR 350-6 Sectio n 4-4, subsections 1(c) and 6(d)) as a guideline, as it was (arguably) not intended as one.
Unfortunately these conditions cannot be remedied at our "local" level, by which I mean within our battery. It will require a serious overhaul of a neglectful, malfunctioning bureaucracy which has, in the past, been indifferent to our plight (at best) or outright harmful (at worst). These changes will by no means initiate themselves and if necessary, should be forced upon the system by higher authority.
Quite recently, and for the first time in my year-long subjective experience, some changes in the system are indeed in the early phases of manifesting themselves. Whether or not they will be helpful or lasting in the long run, or whether the system will revert to its previous form when no longer under outside scrutiny, can only be determined by time and ongoing evaluation.
In conclusion, the problems of PTRP are multi-faceted: personal, psychological, and physical. The often notorious morale problems associated with PTRP, and the problems which stem from it, as well as cause it, result in a highly problematic environment which creates the conditions we see today, causing individuals to undergo a sometimes radical, permanent attitude change as the result of the extremely demoralizing inner conflicts which everyone in PTRP will eventually go through to some degree, depending on the length of stay. PTRP is not the cause of the problems which are attributed to it, but rather the victim. On a personal level these conditions will worsen, directly proportional to the amount of time spent in PTRP, with one growing progressively less motivated, and more demoralized, until a critical point is reached.
It is my opinion that it is time to stop paying lip service to these many problems and either make legitimate, calculated efforts to solve the problem in the long run, for the future generations of PTRP as well as the present, or do away with PTRP altogether.
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