Here Comes Trouble: Stories from My Life

"Outstanding…Moore Triumphs! Publishers Weekly

Mike's Letter

November 11th, 2000 12:00 AM

Send in the U.N. Observers and Jimmy Carter!!

To: Secretary General of the United Nations, Koffi Anan 
From: Michael Moore, citizen

Dear Mr. Secretary General:

Help us! Massive election fraud is taking place in an area that looks like a banana republic -- but is actually part of the United States of America! We are sitting here helpless as our leaders appear unable to do anything about this stolen election.

On behalf of freedom-loving people everywhere, I appeal to the world community and the United Nations for immediate intervention. 

There is ample evidence to indicate that the votes of thousands of our citizens were not counted or, worse, were given to a man who has a sister named "Bay." Further evidence also shows that hundreds of African American voters were simply not allowed to vote.

I ask that you appoint humanitarian ambassador/carpenter Jimmy Carter to head up an official United Nations team of election observers from Rwanda, Brunei, Bosnia and South Africa and send them to this state we call "Florida."? They are desperately needed to oversee the re-count, the hand-count and any other forms of counting being conducted by people who apparently can count.

Remember that guy Milosevic in Yugoslavia trying to claim victory when he got the least number of votes? He would love Florida! Next to watching greyhound dogs run in circles, election fraud is South Florida's favorite pastime (I am enclosing, for your observer team, copies of the Miami Herald series on voter fraud which won the 1999 Pulitzer Prize).? 

It appears on the surface that lame graphic design is at the root of this ballot problem, especially in Palm Beach County where Jewish votes were given to a man who always has a nice word to say about the Third Reich.

But even more telling is the situation in the Daytona Beach area. In that county, the Socialist Workers Party candidate, James Harris, received a whopping 9,888 votes. When your observers arrive, they will discover that the socialist revolution in Daytona Beach is running a distant third to drunken college spring breaks and NASCAR racing. In fact, you will be hard-pressed to find a single Bolshevik in Daytona Beach, let alone a decent cappuccino.

What CBS News discovered is that these 9,888 votes in Daytona Beach for the socialist Mr. Harris represented more than HALF of his ENTIRE 19,310 votes nationwide! Some might see this as a communist plot; election officials in Florida have tried to pass it off as a "computer glitch." I call it fuzzy math.

You should know that the ruler of this disputed region of our country is the brother of the presidential candidate who is benefiting from these shenanigans, George W. Bush. He is already beginning to function as the "President-Elect," even though he got fewer votes in the country than his opponent, Al Gore! The networks had reported that Gore won the state of Florida, but after the one Bush (the candidate) made a call to the other Bush (the governor of Florida), suddenly the Bush running for president was ahead. 

This must sound very familiar to you. I know you have had to deal with "the relatives" before in places like Indonesia and The Congo, and, hey, who can blame them? Everyone wants to see family members do well. But in this case, the self-declared "President-Elect" is also the son of the former President who was dethroned by Gore and his running mate 8 years ago. Does any of this make sense? Would it help to know that the father of the "President-Elect" was also the head of the CIA? Just so you know what you are getting into. 

If you look at the map of the U.S., Florida is the section that seems like it is about to drop off into the sea. It is a backwater area whose climate and topography -- swamps, mosquitoes, unbearable humidity, reptiles everywhere -- resembles much of the Third World. It is truly a scary place -- ask any German tourist! It is the easiest state in which to buy guns in the United States. Prisoners are executed without the sort of due process you get in other parts of the world. According to your own U.N. report, more children are immunized in Jamaica than in Florida, and a baby has a better chance of living to see its first birthday if it is born in Cuba than in Miami. Most of us just go there to get warm in the winter -- and, for many, Arizona is looking better and better these days. 

Please, Mr. Anan, you have to get here right away. The self-declared "President-Elect" is trying to stop the counting of the ballots. He knows what these ballots will reveal. His propaganda ministers have been lying to the American people for days now, saying things like "this kind of ballot is used everywhere, including in Chicago for Jesse Jackson's son!" Our esteemed journalist, Ted Koppel, held up the Chicago ballot last night on TV to show that it looks NOTHING like the Florida ballot. He told the American people they were being snookered by the Bush people.

Mr. Secretary General, you are already at the U.N. in New York! Flights from NYC to Miami leave every 15 minutes! Mr. Carter is in the state right next to Florida! Stop by, pick him up, and tell him he may need at least his hammer, if not his nails.

If the state of Florida refuses to admit your international team of election observers, I implore the Security Council to impose economic sanctions against this place which calls itself "the Sunshine State." The rest of us in America can no longer tolerate their rogue operations. Please remember this is the same state which earlier this year turned kidnapping into a legal sport when they refused to return a little Cuban boy to his father. We had to put up with that circus for nearly eight months.

Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter. If this kind of thievery were happening in any other part of the world, we would have bombed the crap out of it by now. I am hoping for a peaceful resolution to this crisis and for the self-declared "President-Elect" to be returned to his box seat in Arlington, Texas. 

I know you are the man to save us. 

Yours,

Michael Moore
http://www.theawfultruth.com/
http://www.michaelmoore.com/
mmflint@aol.com

P.S.Please note. This is not a partisan request on my part. I did not vote for Al Gore. In fact, I am currently in hiding, fearful for my safety, having voted for Ralph Nader. I am now being hunted down by liberals who, for the first time in years, have finally found something to get angry about. Any assistance your people can give ME for safe passage back to Michigan will be greatly appreciated.

You must log in to comment.

You must be logged in to leave a comment. Log in | Register

Time to put the cuffs on Chris Christie -- not for the bridge scandal, but for this: Chris Christie's $300m pension proposal broke state anti-corruption...

Apr 18th
7:31 PM
Read More

George W. Bush Debuts New Paintings Of Dogs, Friends, Ghost Of Iraqi Child That Follows Him... www.theonion.com President Bush has a new hobby -- painting! --...

Apr 17th
7:28 PM
Read More

Big new story from David Sirota and Pando on top Christie adviser and appearance of corruption at New Jersey's pension fund: REVEALED: Gov....

Apr 17th
12:41 PM
Read More

FBI Uncovers Al-Qaeda Plot To Just Sit Back And Enjoy Collapse Of United States www.theonion.com WASHINGTON—The FBI announced today that it has uncovered a...

Apr 15th
3:28 PM
Read More

Revealed: Rahm Emanuel's top donor bought stock in Marriott just before it was awarded huge contract pando.com As schools are closed and pensions cut,...

Apr 9th
2:00 PM
Read More

I'll be at First Time Fest today in New York City at the screening of my first film, Roger & Me. Loews Village 7 at 12:30 pm. Come see it on the big...

Apr 5th
9:48 AM
Read More

Revealed: Rahm Emanuel cuts public pensions, diverts money to benefit campaign donors pando.com If you've read the financial news out of Chicago the last...

Apr 4th
2:19 PM
Read More

Please take a moment today to think of Casey Austin Sheehan, son of Cindy and Patrick, who was murdered by U.S. foreign policy in Sadr City, Baghdad ten years...

Apr 4th
2:00 PM
Read More

ICYMI - I've joined this "thunderclap" to support the Connecticut legislators who voted yes on last year's Act Concerning Gun Violence...

Apr 3rd
7:38 PM
Read More

I've joined this "thunderclap" to support the Connecticut legislators who voted yes on last year's Act Concerning Gun Violence Prevention...

Apr 2nd
8:27 PM
Read More

I am opposed to the death penalty, but to every rule there is usually an exception, and in this case I hope the criminals at General Motors will be arrested...

Apr 1st
3:55 PM
Read More

How Long Some in the US Will Survive Under New Health Law ...by Donna Smith www.michaelmoore.com Those who must access care to live and can afford it are not...

Mar 31st
10:13 PM
Read More

Last night, The Good Wife on the East Coast started 40 minutes late due to the overrun of the NCAA basketball game. If you had your DVR set for the show, you...

Mar 24th
5:41 PM
Read More

Watching films today, looking for the ones I'm going to pick for my film festival this summer. I (and a whole bunch of others!) have this thing we put on...

Mar 23rd
4:48 PM
Read More

When the U.S. Health Care System Keeps Killing, Who Cares Enough to Fight? ...by Donna Smith www.michaelmoore.com We have largely forgotten that people are at...

Mar 21st
5:56 PM
Read More

Tell the White House not to give up on Dr. Vivek Murthy's nomination as Surgeon General despite the ferocious opposition from the NRA: Don't give...

Mar 21st
5:38 PM
Read More

This criminal would never see a jail cell, nor would his cronies. In fact, they'd later be rewarded with re-election: Presidential Address on War with...

Mar 19th
9:40 PM
Read More

The crime of the century -- our invasion & slaughter in Iraq -- started 11 years ago tonite in this 7pm (ET) hour, March 19th, 2003: CNN Coverage of...

Mar 19th
9:08 PM
Read More

Washington’s Back-to-the-Future Military Policies in Africa ...by Nick Turse www.michaelmoore.com Nick Turse is an award-winning journalist, historian,...

Mar 17th
4:59 PM
Read More

"I think democracy is the most revolutionary thing in the world." -- Tony Benn, 1925-2014 Tony Benn in 'Sicko'

Mar 14th
10:07 AM
Read More

RIP Tony Benn, one of the UK's greatest leaders: Tony Benn, veteran Labour politician, dies aged 88 www.theguardian.com Former cabinet minister died at...

Mar 14th
9:53 AM
Read More

Please read this important story from K. Ford K.: Am I the Face of the New American Middle Class? www.huffingtonpost.com I began to feel I had slipped so low...

Mar 13th
2:24 PM
Read More

Yesterday Dianne Feinstein revealed that the CIA has been spying on the Senate Intelligence Committee. This is all about the report the committee has produced...

Mar 12th
6:48 PM
Read More

Health Care for All Colorado has brought Mercy Killers, a show written and performed by Michael Milligan about our murderous for-profit healthcare system, to...

Mar 10th
1:08 PM
Read More

Health Care Dramas that Sting and Why We Have to Watch ...by Donna Smith www.michaelmoore.com The realities Milligan has written into the show cut deep into...

Mar 10th
1:02 PM
Read More

Did you know the Lehrer Newshour on PBS has been produced for 20 years by a company owned by conservative cable billionaire John Malone? Me neither. After...

Mar 7th
8:39 PM
Read More

Mr. Obama, if int’l law is so damn crucial . . . | RootsAction.org act.rootsaction.org The Russian intervention deserves criticism. But let’s be clear. The...

Mar 6th
1:21 PM
Read More

Enron billionaire John Arnold thinks everyone should believe him when he says we've got to cut pensions because he's so incredibly rich: John...

Mar 5th
4:20 PM
Read More

More in David Sirota's continuing series on the billionaire takeover of PBS: More PBS conflict woes as activists move to eject David Koch from board of...

Mar 3rd
12:35 PM
Read More

Subscribe to Mike's Blog RSS

Click here to suggest an article

Mike's Blog

See More Blogs

Vew the archives

View older articles