Guns Make an Ideal Christmas Gift

Mike & Friends Blog

Joe Lapointe

Joe Lapointe has worked as a sports reporter with the New York Times and a segment producer for "Countdown With Keith Olbermann'' on Current TV

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December 11th, 2012 9:18 PM

Guns Make an Ideal Christmas Gift

By Joe Lapointe

Still stumped about the perfect Christmas gift for that special someone in your life?

Buy them a gun!

The synergy of the idea became obvious Tuesday after the mass shooting in a shopping mall near Portland, Oregon, at the height of the holiday shopping season.

If everyone in that mall had a gun, they could have shot that crazy man dead after he killed his first victim with an assault rifle. And if they had a gun store in that mall, business would have boomed immediately after the janitors mopped up the blood.

Shoot, you never know where or when a mass shooting might occur. It could be in a shopping center or a movie theater or a classroom or a house of worship. There are so many nowadays and they seem to come faster and faster.

Think how gun sales could boost our struggling economy. They would create jobs for the gun dealers, who could sell dainty little .22s for the ladies to fit in their pocketbooks; manly .45s for the macho guys to pack in holsters; and even big AK-47s for exhibitionists who want to sling them around and make a big noise as loud as Ted Nugent’s guitar.

Of course the liberals and fraidy-cats will claim that everyone firing guns at the same time would confuse police rescuers and perhaps even accidently cause deaths of innocent people. Well, tough luck. That’s just collateral damage from friendly fire.

Shoot, in a free nation like ours, you just tell these weaklings that your right to your gun is guaranteed by the Second Amendment, the National Rifle Association, the tough guys in the Republican Party and the timid souls of the Democratic Party.

And if any anti-gun zealots call for gun safety in the next few days, just act offended and “outraged” that anyone would say such things so soon after yet another mass shooting. How dare they? Have they no decency? Can’t they wait until after the funerals?

Or perhaps you could just ignore it, the way Fox News Channel did Monday at 8 p.m., Eastern time. Until that moment, the shooting – news as fresh as bullet wounds -- was being covered on MSNBC, CNN and Fox.

But 8 p.m. means prime time. Suddenly, Fox switched to “The O’Reilly Factor,” a taped comedy show that appears every weekday at that time. Instead of covering the unfolding event like the other cable news channels, O’Reilly covered “The War on Christmas.”